Homophobia is a central organizing principle of our cultural definition of manhood.

Homophobia is more than the irrational fear of gay men, more than the fear that we might be perceived as gay. […] Our fear is the fear of humiliation. We are ashamed to be afraid.

Shame leads to silence—the silences that keep other people believing that we actually approve of the things that are done to women, to minorities, to gays and lesbians in our culture. […] That clammy-handed silence when guys in the office make gay-bashing jokes.

Our fears are the sources of our silencs, and men’s silence is what keeps the system running.